Family
Feeds babies from a distance
The Podee Hands-Free bottle feeder is basically a small tube that attaches to a regular bottle to make feeding a lot easier. It is a dream because the baby doesn't have to hold the heavy bottle and you don't have to lay them down and prop the bottle up. You can set the bottle next to the baby and put the nipple in their mouth like you would a pacifier and they do what comes naturally. Viola! Granted there is no substitute for holding a baby during a feeding, but that is not practical when driving down the road. This bottle saved me from having to go down the road in the passenger seat with my butt in the front window while I turned around to feed the baby in the backseat. I purchased mine at Toys 'R Us in Madison, WI in 1993, and it is still my favorite all-time gadget. Why didn't we think of this decades ago?
-- Becky Thompson
Podee Hands-Free Bottle
$9
(includes bottle)
Available from Babies"R"Us
Manufactured by Podee International
Pacifier for administering meds
My infant daughter has acid-reflux and has to take Zantac a couple of times every day. Although she'll take it straight out of a medicine dropper, she always makes a terrible face and winds up spitting out a good portion (it's bitter -- even with the mint flavoring). This dispenser takes advantage of her natural tendency to suck: the medicine reaches the farthest into her mouth. I thought it seemed a little mean to use something she associates with comfort to give her something she'd hate, but after a few weeks of seeing those faces, I decided it'd be worth trying. The pacifier was a little big for her mouth when she was a couple of months old but she took it just fine, and, at almost five months, she's grown into it. Occasionally, if she's very tired and she mouths but doesn't suck on the pacifier, we use the plunger to push it on in. Either way, she hasn't made a single bad face since we've been using it, and I don't have to mop up all the Zantac she used to spit back out. I read a review of a similar product -- the same concept executed by another company. People complained the other one leaked. This is now my second medicine pacifier (I lost the first one on a road trip), and neither has leaked. This is some of the best $6 I've spent in baby things.
-- Amanda Long
Kidz-Med Medicine Dispenser
$6
Available from Walgreens
Manufactured by Kidz-Med, Inc.
Bedwetting solution
Our son is a very sound sleeper and had problems with bedwetting. We tried everything we could think of. Finally I stumbled across a mention of Enurad in a parents' forum. It's a wireless wetness sensor that you place in the child's underwear. A standard alarm clock has been modified to ring at the slightest wetness. Enurad combined with limiting nighttime fluids solved the problem in a couple of months. He wore the device for sometime after that as an insurance policy. He just slept better knowing it was there. At $210 it's not inexpensive, but worth every penny. Enurad doesn't have a US distrubuter that I know of. I ordered ours from Austrailia. Highly Recommended.
-- Johnboy
[According to the most recent science (see this article) moisture alarms are the most lasting medical cures for nocturnal bedwetting, better than commonly prescribed drugs. -- KK]
Enurad Remote Sensor Alarm
$210
Available from Bedwetting Solutions
Manufactured by Enurad
Classic puzzle in great package
Simple games are the best. Tangrams are an old puzzle based on a set of elemental shapes that can be arranged in thousands of different patterns. To recreate a given picture is challenging, yet not too daunting even for kids. Playing gently encourages lateral thinking. It exercises a geometrical logic, rather than words or numbers. The puzzles are almost like peanuts; you keep wanting just one more.
We use tangrams as an after dinner parlor game. Everyone gets a set and we compete to find the solution first. Since the shapes can be contained in one large square, you can easily cut your own version from cardboard or plastic (and we have). But I've found that this Tangoes model is precise, won't wear out, and crates up easily and tidily. Each Tangoes case contains two sets of tangrams (in two different colors) and a nifty set of puzzle pattern cards, all of which slide into a plastic case with instructions on the inside. It's a very nice package. We have several sets, to fill all the seats at a table.
-- KK
Ultra Tangoes
$15
Available from Amazon
Manufactured by Tangoes
Marble labyrinth
Cuboro is they best toy I have seen since Lego. I recently purchased a set for my 3-year-old son, and we both have been having a blast with it ever since. The basic idea is simple: marbles and a track. The interesting thing is that the track is built out of individual wooden blocks with curves and channels cut into them, allowing the builder to create a track of whatever shape their imaginations can conceive. The marbles are moved along strictly by gravity, falling from one level to another and cutting back and forth through hidden tunnels. After starting out with some simple structures, you will quickly start to think of more complicated structures. I found the challenge to build more interesting designs quite addictive.
The company is based in Switzerland, but sets are available from several US retailers. There are several starter sets, plus add-on kits that allow you to build more complicated structures. I started with the Cuboro Standard, and recently added the Cugolino set. Although Cuboro is a bit pricey for a toy, the manufacturing quality is exceptional and you get what you pay for.
-- Kurt Thearling
Cuboro, Standard set of 54 pieces
$165
Available from Oh! Toys
Also available from The Wooden Wagon
Manufactured by Cuboro
Learning effect and therapeutical use: Cuboro encourages imagination (three-dimensional thinking) and creativity. Assembling requires care and patience. Due to elements with several functions (on different levels or in different directions), two or more crossing courses can be developed. Playing and planning in a group can be very interesting. Individual elements can be selected from the boxes and specific tasks can be placed, depending on the learning stage.
Less air bottle
Even if you intend to exclusively breastfeed your infant, you may find you'll need to supplement with a bottle occasionally. Or if father is needed to handle feeding duties when mom's not around, you'll need a bottle. For those times -- or if you are bottle feeding all the way -- Dr. Brown's Baby Bottles are the only bottles you'll want to use. We found these Bottles to be absolute lifesavers, and have recommended them without hesitation to other new parents who have immediately confirmed our experiences with them: less gas, colic and other feeding-related unpleasantness.
The secret to Dr. Brown's Baby Bottles, apparently, is the tube system inside -- it prevents the infant from swallowing air, which makes for a happier baby (and by extension, happier parents). As baby eats and the bottle drains, the internal tube directs incoming air to above the bottle contents, so the young one's not working against a vacuum. This is supposed to be easier on their eardrums, too. Make of it what you will, but we've managed to avoid the ear-infection boogeyman which seems to hit nearly every other young family we know. Also, unlike similar systems that use collapsing bags to keep out the vacuum, you don't need to keep a supply of the little bags around.
The only downside I can see to Dr. Brown's Baby Bottles is that there are more parts to clean - the nipple, ring, rubber disk/valve and rigid tube inside. (The FAQ says you need to use their nipples. We never tried any others when we were using them so I don't know if you can use others.)
Our kids were about 90% breastfed (the last 2 of our 5 kids didn't use bottles at all), but we used these bottles extensively when we were sharing feeding duties or had to supplement with formula. A co-worker who tried them on our recommendation came back the very next morning -- nearly in tears -- thanking me. The bottles are available in 2, 4 and 8 oz. sizes.
-- James Quinby
$13
Three-pack of 4 oz. bottles
Available from Amazon
Manufactured by Handi-Craft
Best double stroller
After a year of experience using Phil and Ted's E3 stroller, with two-kid kit, we think it's simply amazing.
The handling on the E3 stroller is superb. Unlike side-by-side strollers, the width on the E3 is no problem, and the front wheel pivots so you never have any trouble negotiating the tightest areas. Medium sized real tires mean it's no trouble to move over uneven terrain (dirt paths are easy). Construction is excellent, and the whole unit moves with the smoothness and solidity of a well made machine.
It's not the lightest stroller you can buy, but we bought the travel bag accessory and have checked it on multiple airplane flights with no trouble at all. Folds well enough to fit in the back of our car when we take day trips as well.
Of the various ways you can set-up the stroller (see their website) we've had, by far, the most experience with it setup for two seated kids. My wife was concerned that the back seat would be a tough sell on for the kids, but our 3 year old seems to prefer it, which was a surprise.
At $380 for the basic unit, we thought hard about spending that much money on a stroller. But to this day, we remark on how GOOD that purchase looks in retrospect. We use it daily -- well worth the extra money in our view.
-- Brian Fleming
Phil and Ted's E3 Buggy, with Doubles kit
$450
Available from Let's Go Strolling
List of retail and online stores
Manufactured by Phil and Ted's
How to toilet-train before two
In my many years traveling throughout Asia I saw almost no babies with diapers. Yet I commonly saw infants who would seem to eliminate on command. Their moms would hold them over a gutter with their pants down, whistle a quiet hiss, or grunt, and then the baby would go. At one year! Two-year olds would find their own place to squat. The real story behind this magic is that the child communicates their elimination needs to the mom, who learns to understand their unique signals, and then she communicates back whether all is ready or not. The result is a baby toilet-trained long before anyone in developed countries believes is possible, or even healthy. And this diaper-less, yet mess-less, state is common in parts of Africa and Latin America as well.
But I never imagined it would work in the modern world of carpeting, cars, and obsessive sterility. I've had my mind changed by this book and a growing movement meeting online, where pioneering parents have figured out how to translate this very natural approach into contemporary lives. They call it natural infant hygiene to emphasize that this is not about training, discipline, or being strict. Instead, its success depends on a very close bond between baby and parents. Indeed, most parents who adopt this style claim that the incredibly close communication with the baby is worth far more to them than no pampers, and being diaper free is simply a mere bonus.
So does it really work? Yes. But what about....? Those are questions this book does a pretty good job at answering, or at least beginning to answer. Much of the modern version is still being sorted out. For instance for some families, diaper less mean less diapers rather than no diapers. But in all cases it requires a pretty big commitment of time (natural elimination does not work in full time day care), and a different way of thinking (pee is sterile, not dirty).
The natural baby hygiene program reminds me a lot of the early breast-feeding movement, with which it shares many attributes. Both practices were common in developing countries, both demanded an intense bond with the mother, and both required a re-education of the modern public to accept. It's going to be a long struggle to get folks used to carrying chamber pots around, or having their baby pee on your lawn, but I think it will happen in small numbers. Our family is long past the diaper age, but if we were doing it again, this way makes a whole lot of sense.
For those so inclined, this is the best book to date. There's a corresponding active website as well.
-- KK
Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene
Ingrid Bauer
2001, 255 pages
$12
Available from Amazon
Website at Diaper Free Baby
Sample excerpts:
Babies who are consistently in diapers are not as comfortable or hygienic, don't have their elimination needs responded to in the moment, maintain less awareness of their body functions, and must relearn not to use their clothing as a toilet. Infants and active toddlers often become upset and resist diapering, and parents and pre-schoolers may become frustrated during the process of toilet learning, whether it is "taught" or not. The costs, both personal and environmental, can be significant.
Natural Infant Hygiene takes the best of both these options and adds a few benefits of its own. The child enjoys the comfort, respect, body awareness, and hygiene of being diaper-free from infancy. The parent appreciates the convenience, and saved labour and expense. Best of all are the benefits that both parent and baby share: closeness, intimacy, mutual responsiveness, awareness and communication, and environmental sustainability. Diaper freedom!
*
The infant twists his head and grimaces, signaling a need to poop.
From watching many babies and talking to their parents, I have come to the conclusion that individual babies signal their needs in many different ways. However, signals that the caregiver picks up and responds to, are often the ones that become reinforced and used most. It's like a natural feedback loop. This may be the reason why babies in some cultures reportedly exhibit specific signs, while in other cultures different signs are considered common.
*
In traditional societies, cueing sounds for peeing often resemble the sound of flowing water, or urination itself. It's interesting that these sounds are quite similar from continent to continent. From India to Botswana to Peru, a "sss, sss" sound had become an almost universal mothering signal. In places, a sharp "pssss" or a softer "shhh" or "shuuss" is used. In Japan, the childhood euphemistic equivalent of pee-pee is "shii shii". A low whistle is also sometimes used in Japan, and a steady whistling sound is the primary signal in China. As these cultures move towards urbanisation, a running faucet sometimes replaces the gentle hissing-type vocalizations, for example when peeing the baby over a sink.
Cueing for defecation is common as well. A grunting or straining imitation, such as "uhh" or the "ung-ga" used in Korea, is a frequent cue. Low humming or simply saying "hmmm" is also quite common.
*
It's not at all impossible to make longer journeys, for example by plane or in foreign countries, while practicing Natural Infant Hygiene. In airplanes or foreign travel situations where I was unsure how well I would be able to accommodate my baby's elimination needs, I put him in an easy-to-remove cloth diaper with snaps. On an extended trip abroad when my son was 11 months, we manage to travel for an entire day by plane, bus and ferry, with the same diaper. I still continued to "pee" him regularly, as though he were diaper-less, simply taking the diaper off and putting it back on when he was finished. That way if we got stuck in a customs or airplane bathroom line-up, or otherwise couldn't make it to a bathroom, it was not an emergency. Had this happened, I would have explained to my child that he could go in the diaper, while holding him in position and making the cueing sound, and then changed him a promptly as possible.
*
It's unlikely that you'll be able to practise Natural Infant Hygiene and never have an "accident." It's just as unlikely with a conventionally trained 3 or 4 year old. What is likely is that a baby, whose elimination needs are responded to from infancy, will stop having occasional lapses long before they are three.
*
For example, numerous parents have told me that it helped them to learn that pee was sterile when it leaves the body. We are so conditioned to think of urine as "dirty" that many people are unaware of this fact.
Basically, urine is a sterile fluid containing approximately 96% water. The rest is made up of valuable mineral salts and trace elements that the body needs for proper functioning, but which, at that moment in time, are available in excess and therefore discarded.
*
*
Although a natural hormone causes the kidneys to produce less urine at night, most babies do pee during the night, at least for the first weeks or months. Most diaper free infants will stay dry during naps by a few months, especially if they urinate not long before. They can then be taken to pee as soon as they awaken. Some diaper-free babies will also be dry all night by about the middle of their first year. Some children, like some adults, continue to use the bathroom during the night as they grow.
*
An American ethno-medical researcher once commented to me that Natural Infant Hygiene wouldn't be considered remarkable anywhere outside of North America or Europe. Only here is it absolutely astounding and fascinating.
Yes, Natural Infant Hygiene is amazing. Just as a mother's breast, producing the perfect quantity and quality of milk for a unique baby at a specific time, is amazing. Like breastfeeding, Natural Infant Hygiene strikes parents as unbelievably magical, awe-inspiring, and miraculous. And like breastfeeding, it is utterly practical, concrete, and down-to-earth doable.
When my son was newborn, I first noticed clear body signals for pooping, and relied mostly on general timing patterns for peeing (and watched for signals). Soon this shifted, as I became aware of the timing of regular bowel movements. Catching on to the process, my son also made increasingly clear signals when he needed to pee. Before long, it became mostly an intuitive process, whereby I just knew when he needed to go whether I was watching him or not. I still used after sleep timing as well. It remained this way, until he grew old enough to begin using the cuing language himself, and was able to signal me vocally and through movement, and finally go independently. I still relied on timing and intuition for backup and nights. All three tools, both separately and interwoven, were invaluable at different phases.
The fourth tool, the one that is universally important across cultures, is cueing the baby. Cueing consists of holding the baby in a specific position, and using a specific "trigger" sound or action. This "cues" your child for the opportunity to relieve him or herself in a comfortable, secure, and hygienic way and provides the essential physical support your baby still needs. Just as you bring a baby to your breast to nurse until they can come themselves, you hold the baby in a comfortable way to eliminate until they can do so independently.
*
Sample excerpts from the FAQ at
Diaper Free Baby
Why Elimination Communication (EC)?
A few common reasons that parents choose to practice EC are: to recognize and respond to baby's self-awareness; to promote close communication between child and parent; to prevent diaper rash; to avoid struggles often associated with diaper changing and toilet training; and, as side benefits, to save money and use fewer environmental resources.
Don't the experts warn against potty training babies before they are ready?
It's important to note that this is Elimination Communication, not training. This is a gentle process that follows the infant's cues and needs, and is never coercive or punitive. As such, this practice is consistent with the baby's development and maturity.
Personal genetic literacy
Yep, we are headed into the bio century. In this brave new world a basic level of genetic literacy will be essential. That was a problem for me because I couldn't tell one gene from another. But recently I discovered that the quickest route from the theory of genetics to the practice of it is to inspect my own genes. And the best motivator and context for that is that old fussy hobby of genealogy.
I have near zero interest in the path-names of my ancestors (and with a common surname like mine, near zero chance of unravelling it) but the puzzle of deep ancestors turns out to be a fantastic way to get comfortable with the sprawling vocabulary, concepts and techniques of genetics. You plumb your own genes for clues about your ancestry and in the process all genes become less strange.
About half a dozen companies offer a paid service to test your genes, taken from cells in the cheek, and provide a rough analysis of where you fall in the 100,000-year migration of humans across the globe. These outfits only sequence a very few points in your DNA, called markers. In general the more markers they check, the better. If you are willing, you can then submit your genetic marker results to the rapidly growing database of other folks who have tested their DNA. Some databases (and testing) specialize in African-Americans, some in Native Americans, and some try for a more general catch. All are quickly adding more markers, more sophistication, more crosslinking of results. In short, this is a fabulously fast-moving frontier that obeys the law of increasing returns: the more people that join, the more valuable and attractive it becomes for others to join.
It is also pretty geeky. Whereas traditional genealogy is nearly literary, steeped in anecdotes, names, and human drama; this new craft of genetic genealogy or "genetealogy" is primarily numerical: it is a flood of statistics, databases, algorithms, and the stuff of computer science. For better or worse it is also a ferociously technical, heavily quantifiable, gnarly hobby, and the early adopters are sprinting ahead rapidly. In fact so much is happening so fast in personal genetealogy that it is quite easy for almost anyone to become the world's expert in a particular domain.
So how do you get started?
The easiest way to launch into the world of ancestral DNA is to enroll in The Genographic Project. This innovative program, run by National Geographic and IBM, will test your DNA with 12 markers (a decent benchmark in 2005). In addition you'll get a great National Geographic map of genetic geography and a fantastic National Geographic documentary (The Journey of Man: A Genetic Odyssey) on our deep genetic roots and early human migration on this planet. This informative film, full of surprising news, is based on the work of Spencer Wells, who is both innovative scientist and enthusiastic host. He and crew scour the world for indigenous people with deep roots in one place, asking for samples of DNA to test, in order to piece together our "big family" genetic tree. The best parts are when they return with results and we see the diverse ways in which people and tribes react to the news of what science says about their arrival and relations. When you join The Genographic Project you fund this tree. A portion of the $100 fee for your test goes to Wells's and other's work, and you get your own DNA tested (anonymously) and the results in a form which you can share with others if you are inclined to. Since the fee is similar to what a commercial service would charge, it's the way to go. You can graduate to more comprehensive and specialized testing as you progress.
But as helpful as the Genographic supporting material is, you'll need a master guide to help you decipher the meaning of genes. By far the best orientation to this exploding universe is the new book Trace Your Roots with DNA. Written for avid family-tree fans, this is a great layperson's introduction to personal DNA testing. It illuminates the complexities of such concepts as haplogroups, snips, alleles, mtDNA, and diminishing genetic relationships -- all crucial genetic knowledge even if you are not into genealogy. If you ARE into family roots, this book is will provide you with tons of concrete advice on how to persuade relatives to get tested, where to post your results, and how to correlate genes with traditional genealogical research.
The authors are smart. They realize that news in this area will appear first online and only slowly migrate to paper books or magazines. They wisely direct you to preferred websites throughout their chapters. But their book offers a comprehensive overview of a frontier that no website currently offers. It is a wonderful portal to this coming century.
-- KK
My son gets his cheek swabbed for DNA
The Genographic Project
$100 per kit
Trace Your Roots with DNA
Using Genetic Tests to Explore Your Family Tree
Megan Smolenyak Smolenyak & Ann Turner
2004, 272 pages
$10
Available from
Amazon
Sample excerpts:
*
But for now, you have all you will need to know if you grasp one fact: Y chromosome tests cannot prove that you share a particular common ancestor with another person, only that you share a common ancestor at some point.
*
There are move than 1,000 genes on the X chromosome, while the count of the Y chromosome in the year 2003 stands at just a fraction of that: 27. The genes on the X chromosome have little or nothing to do with sexual characteristics. They cover a broad range of structure and function, much like any of the autosomes.
The Y chromosome acts like a switch -- if it is present, the baby will be a male. Genes restricted to the Y chromosome could hardly be essential for life and health, else the female of the species would disappear. Classical genetics has never identified any traits or diseases linked to the Y chromosome, so there is no need to fear that sharing DNA results will impact the ability to obtain health insurance.
*
Haplotype Diversity
How often will two random Smiths match each other just by accident?
Just as surnames can be very common or very rare, haplotypes are found in different frequencies. In the database at www.yhrd.org, which has more than 24,000 records tested at nine markers, the single most frequent haplotype occurs in less than 3 percent of the population, so even that could not be called common in the absolute sense. Many haplotypes occur just once -- more than 40 percent of the records, in fact. Every time a new set of data is added to the database, novel haplotypes are discovered.
Haplotype diversity can be quantified. The chance that two men chosen at random will match each other on all nine markers is less than two in a thousand. You can rule out a lot of false trails that way, and if two Smiths match, it's probably not just a coincidence.
Adding more markers increases the diversity: Some of the men who match on nine markers will differ on a 10th marker.
*
*
We're not going to sugarcoat it. Talking strangers into handing over their DNA -- and hopefully, some money -- is not the easiest of tasks. Presumably, it will become easier over time as genetic genealogy becomes as widely known as traditional research. At least then, those you contact will know that this is a normal activity that everyday human beings do with some regularity, and there will no longer be a need to educate people about the very existence of this kind of testing. But it's best to prepare as if the person you're about to call, write, or e-mail has never heard of genetealogy.
*
You can recruit people in two ways -- by finding them or by making it easier for them to find you. We refer to the detective work associated with seeking out appropriate candidates as "reverse genealogy" since it usually involves tracing lines from the past to the present. Traditionally, we're trained to start with ourselves and work back through the generations, but conducting a DNA project often requires the reverse. You may, for instance, be trying to find possible descendants of a German immigrant who came to Pennsylvania in the 1700s.
*
Please don't make the mistake of testing in the hope of stumbling onto something interesting! In the future, when large numbers of people have been tested and accessible DNA databases are exploding with samples, the odds will improve that a random person could get tested and discover something interesting, such as a surprise match with a stranger. But we're not quite there yet.
Simplest baby carrier
Like most Americans, I hauled my firstborn around in his
carseat/infant carrier. Never again. For my second child, I
researched slings extensively, and bought a New Native. It's simpler
than any other sling, including the Maya sling Cool Tools reviewed.
New Native is just one piece of fabric, hemmed and stitched into a
big pocket. That means no adjustment rings or buckles to come loose
or fiddle with. Accordingly, it's sized. I wear a medium. My
husband, who is much bigger than I am, wears my (medium) sling as
well -- there are three sizes, small, medium, and large, and the
medium fits a pretty wide range of people.
I've slung my second baby since day one. She has taken countless
naps in it. The sleek, professional look of the New Native means
that a lot of people take it for fashion. While my daughter was
small, they didn't even know I had a baby on. I wore it to the
office and even taught class with it.
At nine months I can count on one hand the number of times my
daughter has ridden in a stroller. Everywhere I go people who see it
wish they had known about it when they were carrying babies, and ask
me where I got my sling: New Native.
-- Donna Bowman
New Native Baby Sling
$48
Available from
New Native Baby
Also from Amazon
You can teach happiness
Optimism is not a mere sunny outlook on life, nor is it simple self esteem. Rather it is a type of self-knowledge that can make people healthier and happier. And 20 years of controlled scientific clinical trials have proved that it can be learned. Furthermore, optimism can be taught to children. There is probably no better gift to kids (your own or others) than to teach them how to train themselves to be happy. If for no other reason than the fact that pessimism leads to illness and depression. This book is based on large-scale programs that have taught kids of all backgrounds and dispositions how to be more optimistic.
-- KK
The Optimistic Child
A Proven Program to Safeguard Children Against Depression and Build Lifelong Resilience
Martin E. P. Seligman
1995, 336 pages
$11
Amazon
Excerpt:
Why should we bother? Isn't pessimism just a posture with no effects in the world? Unfortunately not. I have studied pessimism for the last twenty years, and in more than one thousand studies, involving more than half a million children and adults, pessimistic people do worse than optimistic people in three ways: First, they get depressed much more often. Second, they achieve less at school, on the job, and on the playing field than their talents augur. Third, their physical health is worse than that of optimists. So holding a pessimistic theory of the world may be the mark of sophistication, but it is a costly one. It is particularly damaging for a child, and if your child has already acquired pessimism, he is at risk for doing less well in school. He is at risk for greater problems of depression and anxiety. He may be at risk for worse physical health than he would have if he were an optimist. And worse, pessimism in a child can become a lifelong, self-fulfilling template for looking at setbacks and losses. The good news is that he can, with your help, learn optimism.
*
Optimistic children explain good events to themselves in terms of permanent causes. They point to traits and abilities that they will always have, like being hard-working, likable, or lovable. They use "always" when they describe the causes of good events. Pessimists think in terms of transient causes. "I was in a good mood," or "I practiced hard this time." Their explanations of good events are qualified with the words, "sometimes" and "today," and they often use the past tense and limit it to time only ("I practiced hard this time."). When children who believe their successes have permanent causes do well, they will try even harder next time. Children who see temporary reasons for good events may give up even when they succeed, believing the success was a fluke.
Essential parental skill
I was trying to think of the book that has had the greatest effect on my life. Books like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance , or The Fountainhead carried a lot of philosophical weight at the time I'd read them in college but they seem like junk upon re-reading them now. So, I asked myself again, what book has really changed my life? Then it hit me: it was, without a doubt, Richard Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems.
We have two kids, one age six, the other 11 months. When our six year old was a baby, we put her to sleep by holding her and rocking her. She would wake up every couple of hours, crying for us to come back and rescue her. We finally gave up and let her sleep with us. It was the only way we could get any sleep. To this day, she demands that one of us crawls into bed with her until she falls asleep.
When we had our other daughter, she would cry for us every hour at night. The whole family was exhausted from the ordeal. Would we have to suffer this ordeal for three more years?
Some friends told us to "Ferberize" her and we'd all be able to sleep soundly. We were skeptical, but we bought the book and followed the instructions faithfully. In a nutshell, Ferberization entails putting your baby in her crib, kissing her goodnight and walking out of the room. She'll cry, of course. After five minutes, you walk in and reassure her, then walk out again. This time you wait ten minutes. You repeat this, adding five minutes between return visits. It sounds cruel. As a parent, your instinct is to run to your baby as soon as she starts crying. But in this case, not following you instincts is the best course of action. It took exactly two nights to Ferberize our baby. She has learned to fall asleep on her own, and when she wakes up at night, she knows how to fall back asleep on her own. Best of all, she is happy, confident, and well-rested. And so are we. We have our nights, and as a result, our days back.
While this was truly a life-changing book, you really don't need to read it. Other chapters address the nature of sleep and how to deal with more unusual child sleep problems, but for most people, the procedure I described above is all you need. Reading the book, however, made me feel better psychologically about going through with it.
-- Mark Frauenfelder, from his madprofessor.net blog.
[I have three kids. This method works. -- KK]
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems
Richard Ferber; 1986, 256 pages
$11
Amazon
Excerpt:
Better than lying with your toddler or young child until he falls asleep at night is for him to fall asleep with a "transitional object" -- a stuffed animal, a doll, a toy, a special blanket. The toy will often help him accept the nighttime separation from you and can be a source of reassurance and comfort when he is alone. It will give him a feeling of having a little control over his world because he may have the toy or blanket with him whenever he wants, which he cannot expect from you. His toy will not get up and leave after he falls asleep and it will still be there whenever he wakes.
Home-based baby heartbeat monitor
Every pregnant woman eventually (and sometimes periodically) has the awful thought, "What if it died in there?" Most women at that point have to spend some time either distracting themselves from the awful notion or talking themselves out of it.
Not me!
That's because I have a fetal doppler, a gizmo that allows me to hear my baby's heartbeat. A fetal doppler is about the size of an old Sony Walkman tape player. Attached to a curly phone-style cord is a wand shaped a bit like a microphone. Smear some ultrasound conductive gel ( KY will work in a pinch) on the end and put the tip of the microphone against your abdomen about where you think the baby is, and, Bingo, instant mental relief. Safer than a sedative, faster than meditation, cheaper than therapy.
My fetal doppler device is manufactured by Danatech. While there are companies who are focused on selling and renting fetal dopplers direct to consumers, they are also widely available on eBay, where I got mine, and you may be able to find a bargain. I highly recommend getting a doppler unit with an LCD screen that includes heart-rate readout, as it makes it easier to distinguish the sound of your own heart rate (somewhere around 60-80 for most of us at rest) and your baby's (quite a bit higher, often 120-140).
Expect to pay between $150 for a unit without an LCD screen and up to $250 for one with an LCD screen.
-- Lisa Williams
Rentals are available at Stork Radio, starting at $27 per month
Made by Danatech
Elegant, compact, cheap alternative to a stroller
There are a lot of tools that make our life easier. Many of them introduce their own complications, and I'd put baby strollers in that category. The various baby slings and backpack alternatives help out without circumscribing normal activity. The Maya Wrap's advantage lies in its simplicity -- it's just a piece of fabric with a metal loop -- yet it's functionally equivalent to more complicated babypacks. So it's the elegance of the thing that grabs me. My wife somehow managed to carry both twins this way. So you can count it as entertainment, too. This tool was absolutely essential to us in transporting all three of our children.
The Maya Baby Sling beats a stroller on size, cost and bulk alone. Since it is more compact and mobile than a stroller, it's much easier to walk and move around when you're carrying a child, especially when it keeps your hands free. Most stores aren't really set up for strollers, since wider aisles take up precious shelf space. American-style supermarkets may be the only exception, and even then it's difficult to push a stroller and a shopping cart at the same time. (I'm still looking at it through the lens of our experience with twins). Commerce aside, there's plenty of rough terrain out there where a stroller is more trouble than it's worth. The sling keeps your hands free and child close, so it's convenient to do just about everything except bend down. Finally, when it comes time to pack everything up we could fit both slings in a backpack, which trumps the trunk requirement of most strollers.
For hiking trips Kelty-type baby backpacks tended to work out better, but they're not as comfortable for napping children, and the metal frame is almost as inconvenient as a stroller in tight situations. Our kids stayed happy longer in the slings, too. The slings win again when packing everything into a car, or on a bike or a plane, for that matter.
The Baby Bjorn-class rigs are similar in some ways, but they are much more limited in terms of the size of the child and the position you can carry them. Other than that Baby Bjorns have the same benefits, although I'd have to say they're also the ugliest way to carry your child; It reminds me of the 747 they use to transport the Space Shuttle. I quickly mastered putting down a sleeping child in a sling (instant blanket), but the boat-like rigging of the Baby Bjorns usually spelled trouble.
For my wife, of course, it's a no-brainer. The slings were the best for breastfeeding, since she could do it while moving around.
-- Marcel Levy
Maya Wrap Baby Sling
$40
Maya Wrap Baby Slings
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