We've been huge fans of the Dr. Sears family website (www.askdrsears.com), and I've just finished reading *The Vaccine Book* by William Sears' son (also a pediatrician, living in California) Dr. Bob Sears. In this even-handed, eminently readable book, he explores the CDC-recommended vaccine course, with each diseases morbidity and mortality risks, a description of the vaccines available, advice on both sides (to vaccinate or not, by disease), as well as the fruits of his 16+ years of vaccine research as a practicing pediatrician. The Sears Family and their broad-minded, compassionate and practical theories are empowering and comforting for parents of all babies.

I love this site but I object to this book being listed as a cool tool. This book promotes attachment parenting, which is just one philosophy of parenting that many people do not subscribe to. In an earlier post, a cool tool was described as:

1) Is not commonly known, or if known, not appreciated for this particular use.
2) Really works over a long time period.
3) Is significantly better than the competition.
4) Assists individuals (verses institutions) in self-empowerment and self-learning.
5) Is not one you've invented, sell, or promote.

Due to the fact that there is a lot of controversy over this parenting philosophy, I don't think The Baby Book fits this description. I also don't think that parenting philosophies are something that cool tools should get involved in.

I love this site too, but I am angered by this being put there. When you're pregnant, almost all the books agree on what best practice is. They might have different focus, but basic agreement. Once the baby is out, the parenting literature is rife with controversy. Co-sleep, don't co-sleep, give your baby a pacifier, don't give your baby a pacifier. A sleep deprived new parent is most vulnerable to the industry devoted on preying on them, and the people with an ideological agenda. Sears represents both, having a lucrative business of books, equipment, and services. The American Academy of Pediatricians have all the useful, evidence based advice in this book, and leave out the terrible rhetoric. Sears says "Every mother's natural instinct is to" and then finishes the sentence with some new ideological point, like not returning to working outside the home. It makes you feel like a bad mother, or an unnatural person to disagree and want to be a parent with a rewarding career, or to have to return to work because of economic circumstances. This is a terrible book, and it will damage your self-esteem and warp your views without adequate evidence.

I agree with 2 edgewise and christine, this is doing exactly what the beginning paragraph is telling us not to do, giving advice to new parents that have not asked for it. This book seems highly controversial to me. Doesn't seem to fit the cool tools angle...

I think this is a great tool and gives great advice for new parents. I read the book and my only complaint was that Sears wasn't directive enough on some points that are essential and many parents may know little about. He doesn't make it clear enough that circumcision is destructive and a human rights violation, for one example. In general, this book is a fabulous overview and resource.

I have to agree with Christine, EdgeWise, and james. This book really does not belong here.

Most of the parents I know who use attachment parenting styles are overwhelmed and miserable. We didn't, and our kids are constantly being complimented for how well they behave.

Time will tell, but I'm siding with this being a fad.

@ Christine:
I chose to write about this book because in my experience it strongly fulfills requirements 2 –5 listed above. It sat on our bookshelf next to a handful of similar books and was turned to over and over again (to the exclusion of the others) during my daughter's first two years.
@ EdgeWise:
Part of why the book appeals to me so much is because most of what I read resonated for me when I read it, and it never occurred to me that the content was controversial. To me the Sears' approach is nondogmatic, but if you find it differs with your parental view, that makes perfect sense, too. It's personal and highly subjective. My wife read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and felt the same way you do about The Baby Book.

And now in the unsolicited advice category from an guy in his fifties with a sixteen year old son - pretty much don't waste your time with such books, use your instincts and trust yourselves. Babyhood is gone in the snap of your fingers. Take all the time you would spend reading various rearing dictates and either watch your baby doing whatever she is doing, talking to her, or getting some sleep. Read stuff that gives you a break - you deserve and need it.

They will grow up and they're not your creation.

How's that for annoying advice? Just wait until you feel the desire to tell people things like "Get a decent, inexpensive stroller that's easy to fold up instead of a luxury car stroller - you're not going to need this device for very long."

It will happen to you. Just like not wanting to hear such things happened to me 16 years ago.

Attachment parenting with multiples = more difficult than books let on.
These books also make you feel like a lousy parent if you don't exactly subscribe to their beliefs.

But parents love nothing more than telling other parents what to do, and then pointing out how wrong everybody else does it. So has been my experience.

Of course, I'm just a baby-training monster (we were forced to schedule pretty early on) so you can discount almost everything I say.

As always, if this tool (book) seems inferior, and you know of a better one -- a less controversial, more insightful, more helpful parenting guide in this case -- then please send in a review that extols its virtues. And to do your review justice you would need to at least read this particular book (and not just react to the words "attachment parenting"), so you know what the already recommended alternatives are.

I feel pretty tired by the whining, complaining, snide commentary that's infested the comments here in the last year or so. :-(

I agree with Curtis, for the most part. Granted, I'm in my thirties with no children, but I've found that kids raised by a "system" don't grow up quite right. In other words, the Cool Tool is the parent, not the method.

That said, though, I know many new parents who don't trust themselves, and a book that works with their beliefs is probably a good idea. This book might not be for everybody, but I know several parents for whom it would've been perfect.

Plus, it sounds almost worthwhile just for the reminder that a baby cries because it can't speak, rather than because it's trying to annoy you.

I, too, was confronted with a steep learning curve when our first child was born 13 yrs ago. Sears' attachment parenting advice served us well. AP is a different approach--one that is based on actual, factual biological needs rather than some newfangled or outdated psychological thesis; therefore, it is extremely helpful, practical, and freeing. For that reason, it merits listing on Cool Tools as any other book that offers helpful, practical, and freeing information/advice.

I DO agree that there is no reason to think this book is not a Cool Tool and appreciate KK's comment #11.

But I also like the idea, "the Cool Tool is the parent" as John put it.

Sears's notions may work for some, but for people close to me it's produced a nightmare of exhausted parents, a child-dominated household, confusing inconsistency, and constant feelings of guilt when the Sears nostrums don't work as promised. And much of the book consists of baseless promises of results that may or may not be realized.

I have to agree with the posters above: good or bad, this is a book of opinion, not a tool. It doesn't belong here any more than Left Behind or The World is Flat do.

A book I think is really cool to read is "The Scientist in the Crib"--it talks about what kids know from birth and how they learn.

If nothing else, it will give you some ideas to test on your kid (like showing something to them then hiding it--read the book for details).

We raised our two kids without the Sears book. When I ran across it later, I understood that we had been trying to do attachment-parenting and were only partly successful.

The problem is that we live in a brutal economy that demands two incomes for a middle-class standard of living, and barely acknowleges the existence of family life and childrearing.

The Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 was a cool tool. It should be extended to businesses with fewer than 50 employees. A 35 hour workweek would be beneficial to children too.

Ok...I am a parent of a real live baby.
AND i read this book. (credentials officially presented)

I find this book useful.

I don't think it preaches any one philosophy. Like any encyclopedic book, there are things which will be practical and useful and those which will not. Many other books about parenting carry massive judgment and indoctrination. If you have read this book, I doubt that you would proclaim it proselytizing.

It has some handy hints that were useful and some great insights on baby skill development.

Useful + Informative= Cooltool

A book on babies?

Can't we just come here and act like men and look at real tools? Please? I realize someone might, through some tortured logic, find a way to call this a tool, but I hope nobody tries. Call me shallow, but when I go to the hardware store and ask for tools, I am not shown books on child-rearing, nor needle-point materials, nor eyelash curling tools.

Haven't men been feminized enough without any help?

Hope I don't get a lecture on being in touch with my sensitive side, or my inner nurturer!!!

Wussy book aside, I love the website.

Thanks,

Ian

Ian - I agree with you 99%, but ... thousands of years ago when I was a senior in high school, my girlfriend and I went to visit a friend who was babysitting. The babysitter was 17, our age at the time, and the baby was about 10 months old. The three of us were chatting when all of a sudden the babysitter said she had to run out and do an errand and would we mind watching the baby for a few minutes? Before we knew what was happening, the babysitter was gone and two ignorant 17 year olds were caring for an infant. Well that baby started to cry and cry and cry, and it quickly scared me and my girlfriend half to death. I kid you not. If I had pooped then, large white marbles would have come out of my rear end. I was that scared. Was the baby choking? Sick? Hungry? The kid would not stop crying. I vaguely knew that you couldn't give babies regular food and that there was some procedure for preparing milk for them, but I didn't know what it was. There was no food in the house or the refridgerator.

When the babysitter returned, 30 minutes later, I was beyond furious. I've rarely been that angry in my life and I swore I would never be put in that situation again. And even though I'd rather go to law school than father a kid, for the last 35 years I have always had a baby book close at hand. Despite my best efforts, it's come in handy a few times. The one I still have is called "Baby Care for Beginners" which is a brilliant book. It has step by step instructions on the most common baby wrangling techniques; lots of pictures and a trifold binding so that you can stand it up and read it while you figure out what the hell to do.

Just like cars, plastic goods, and marketing blurbs, babies are everywhere in our society. You try to avoid them, but sooner or later you're at a family reunion and someone hands you one. Don't inhale! It's your choice! When a phenomenon is that common, it behoofs everyone to learn a little about it.

However, avoiding babies is still the best advice. Those things are dangerous.

@Ian
Do you guys really think that women have no interest in tools? Really? Still? I'm fifty, female and love working with my hands. I've worked on my car and my house (electric, plumbing and carpentry). I've also worked as a jeweler, silversmith, and even done some blacksmithing (to make my own snarling irons). I like fishing and gardening and have bought lots of tools from the reviews on this site.

I feel I should point out that men are parents too. They're called fathers and some of them care enough about their kids to show up and do the research.

There have been plenty of great reference books on CT, and this is one of them. No tool is truly one size fits all, just because you don't like it doesn't mean it doesn't belong here.

Sammy,

Yes, I know how you feel. Years ago I had a girlfriend with a child. We were at her apartment and she asked me to go out and buy her cigarettes. I was not in the mood, so I refused. She said no problem and began to put her coat on to go herself. She said the kid was sleeping, but I had to stay there until she returned.

Well, I ran out the door like my hair was on fire to get the cigarettes. I sometimes wonder if she did it on purpose........

And Midori, yes, of course I know many women like tools. I suppose the lecture I knew was coming was nicer that I expected, so thanks for that! It sounds like you know more about tools than I do. I just thought I had come to the wrong website when I saw a baby book.

Ian

Good advice! Parents do not like advice because so much of it is the equivalent of unsubstantiated urban myth, political spouting, religious preaching, or ignorant bigotry. I am the father of five (a single parent through much of the child rearing process) and can vouch for the Dr. Sears. It was a pleasant surprise to see this recommended on Cool Tools. This is a practical manual for any workshop.

As first-time parents, my wife & I found the Sears book to be occasionally helpful- but just as often, frustrating and amusing. The book does contain a lot of actual useful medical information. But while Sears' "attachment parenting" likes to present itself as having a solid scientific foundation, it seems to be as much a philosophy as anything else. And I'm sure it works well for some families, but it did not work well for us. For real laughs, check out the Sears' advice on what to do if the wife needs to return to work for income. Their suggestions include: borrowing the money, or getting a job with an employer who will let you carry your baby at work, like a store that sells baby gear.

Great book, I would recommend it to any new parent.

http://www.cutebabysupplies.com

I'm a pediatrician and parent of two kids. My two bits: Infants thrive on affection, and parents of infants should be encouraged to pay them more attention and interact with them more. I agree with Sears that the "Babywise" approach to infants threatens their bond with their parents. However, toddlers need limit-setting. Attachment parenting breaks down as kids age. One of my families can't understand why their three year old is a tyrant, and don't relate it to the fact that she's never heard the word "no".
The younger Sears' "Vaccine Book" is a dangerous crock, and will be responsible for children dying needlessly.

"You can always tell a well loved child", words of wisdom from my Aunt. Attachment parenting is, at the most basic level, a way to show an infant that their needs will be met. Once this is known, the infant is free to develop. As the infant becomes a toddler, one that is confident, loved and safe, attachment parenting gives way to respect ... and distraction. By age two, the word discipline begins to enter the vocabulary. The ideas of child rearing are not always exclusive. And Sears' are not.
It has been said that guilt is the only true emotion: perhaps it is the only motivation for some.

This isn't a manual. Read it and take what you need/want and leave the rest. Through my pregnancy and during the past two years Sears is the team I routinely consult when I'm dealing with a particularly frustrating event or parenting dilemma. Although "Attachment Parenting" is a label that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up, I am deeply committed to the idea of "thoughtful" parenting.

My two-year old and I are currently nearly inseparable. We sleep, cook, garden, laundry, shop--and everything else you can think of--together. I'm not going to stop nursing him at night and naps simply because the very idea gives most adults the heebie-jeebies.

Did Dr. Sears tell me to do all of this and become the parent that I am? No way. What I get from Sears is the support to feel good about the way I'm naturally inclined to parent, and that support is a welcomed preserver to someone who is often paddling against the current.